Have you ever found yourself watching something on t.v. and before you know it, your mind wanders? For example, instead of concentrating on the scene in front of you, you start comparing it to scenes from other movies. I did that a lot during this episode. You’ll see.
If anyone has seen the new HBO show “The Newsroom”, you’ll completely understand when I say I had a total Will McAvoy moment last night.
We opened with Alcide and Sookie getting down and dirty on the couch. And to quote Mr. Russell Edgington – “Took you long enough.” Amen, brother! Cue me up some Marvin Gaye, Lets Get It On.
Anyone else notice just how strong Joe Manganiello is? I for one appreciate a man that can hold me around his waist with one arm and still manage to grip the hand rail with the other as he climbs the flight of stairs.
After waiting for what seems like forever to enjoy our own Magic Mike moment on the small screen, it was completely ruined by Sookie throwing up on Alcide’s shoes. And to add insult to injury, it was witnessed by Cockblockers 1 & 2, Bill & Eric as they casually lounged in the doorway.
Cut to opening credits and my Will McAvoy moment.
With a few curse words thrown in for good measure.
Seriously?! That’s it?! What the hell?!
The writers obviously knew we were gonna lose our shit over that, so they decided to come back from the break with stuff we aren’t all that interested in any way just to give us time to calm down.
Lafayette is wigging out over the hinky brujo shit. Don’t worry, buddy, so am I. Exactly where are they going with this storyline? Can anyone tell me? It was sort of amusing to see his little religious icons mock him. “Life is suffering, bitch.”
He calls out to Jesus for help. Careful what you wish for La La. Jesus shows up, but only his severed head appears. And his mouth is sewn shut. Kinda like Billy Butcherson in the movie Hocus Pocus. He even appears to Ruby Jean, who seems to take it all in stride and agrees to send along the message that a mumbling Jesus is trying to convey.
Jason has another one of his seeing things that aren’t there moments. But instead of bullet holes in people’s heads he’s seeing fang marks on his mama and daddy’s necks. In the last episode, Cousin Hadley told him that vampires had killed his parents so naturally he’s back on his blame vampires for everything kick. Wonder how this is gonna play into his new found friendship with Jessica. All I want to know is where can I get some of those Master of the Universe jammies he was rocking in this scene?
Back to Sookie. While cradling her hung over head and probably wishing she could get the deed back to her house and rescind everyone’s invitation, the 3 stooges sit around barking orders at each other (pun intended). I laughed, right along with Sookie, realizing, like her, that things are just not going to change so she might as well accept the fact and just boot & rally.
Over at Fangtasia, like Tara says, the more things change the more they stay the same. She’s bartending, getting snarky with the first customer that says something derogatory and attempts to feed on a little blonde number.
Mommy Pamest rips her off the poor girl and proceeds to lecture Tara about the cons of feeding on humans with witnesses around. “Do anything to mess with Fangtasia, I will silver you and stick you in a coffin until the next millennium.” I found it kinda funny that business just continued going on around them as if Pam didn’t have Tara pinned in a choke hold against the wall. The only one that noticed was Jessica “Lita Ford” Hamby who just so happened to walk in the door as all this was going down.
After ordering up a drink, Jessica launches into a it gets better spiel that has Tara actually embracing her new vampire options. I was kinda hoping Tara would be Tara and tell Jessica to shut the eff up. But, nope, they become girlfriends and shared baby vamp feelings.
Unfortunately, Tara breaks the ultimate girlfriend code and feeds on Jessica’s ‘I don’t want him but no one else can have him’ ex boyfriend, Hoyt. Cat fight!! Not sure who I’m gonna pick to win this one. While Jessica is technically older than Tara in vampire years and therefore stronger, Tara does have some cage fighting experience under her belt. I just want to see if Rutina Wesley can get thru this rumble without having a wardrobe malfunction.
Sookie and the Gang are trying to figure out who let Russell out of his cement grave via Doug’s memories. Sookie sees a necklace and after describing it, Bill automatically assumes it’s Nora that’s betrayed them. Like she is the ONLY Authority member that has that necklace.
And right on cue, the cameras zoom straight in on Nora’s necklace and her cursing Roman’s sacrilege behavior. I noticed that the cameras strategically kept away from Salome’s neck so we couldn’t see if she was wearing one similar to the one that Nora is wearing. Did Nan ever have a necklace?
I’m just saying there are other options here, folks. My money is still on Salome being the villain in the Sanquinista movement. I think she’s blackmailing Nora by threatening to kill Eric if she doesn’t go along with the plan.
We finally get to see what happened with Patrick, Terry and the squad over in Iraq. Kill the villagers and you’re gonna get your ass cursed. Eller tells them about Irfit, the fire demon that’s been killing the squad off by burning them all alive. Sgt. Patrick thinks he’s just crazy. Eller insisted it was real because he’d Googled it.
Seeing as Malware Monday was looming, I didn’t dare log onto the computer to see if this was all bullshit or not, because, well…the way my luck has been running these days, I wasn’t taking any chances. I’ll just take Pvt. Eller’s word for it.
While Patrick & Terry argue outside, Smokey the Irfit makes his entrance and billows into the room to wrap Eller in a circle of flames. Kind of reminded me of those hell demons from the movie Ghost.
During what could only be described as a Point Break movie moment, Sam & Luna are gunned down by drive by shifter assassins. The guys actually had Obama masks on. Little Emma was able to shift into a baby wolf and escape into the shrubbery.
It looks like Luna is dead, but there is no way they’re gonna kill off Sam. Maybe I’m in the minority, but I don’t feel any great loss if Luna is in fact dead. Her character never had much substance anyway. Wonder if Sam will become Emma’s guardian or will her wolf daddy’s family finally be able to raise her as one of their own?
And then the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Sookie & The Gang pull up outside a spooky abandoned asylum (in a van nonetheless), because, well, that’s where all deprecated vampires go to recuperate.
Bill & Eric thank Sookie for her assistance but they’ll take it from here. After they decide to split up to cover more ground to locate Russell. She-Ra Sookie tells the dynamic duo she’s seen enough horror movies to know you don’t split up while there’s a crazed killer on the loose.
Well, Sookie sweetheart, I’ve seen enough horror movies to know you just don’t go inside the freaking building in the first place. You run like hell. But does anyone listen to me?
Anyone else notice that Bill & Sookie were holding hands while they creeped around the corner?
The asylum, while it was supposed to be scary with all the rats crawling over half eaten bodies and flashlight illuminated peeks down dark hallways, felt more to me like those carnival haunted houses that I always avoided during my high school days. When they finally come across Russell, I have to admit, it was sort of a let down.
I’m curious, if it is absolutely imperative to kill Russell, I mean after all, the I-stakes around Bill & Eric’s chests have been activated and the clock is ticking, why, may I ask do they feel the need to just stand around and trade insults with the man?
Let’s get show on the road, people! Like Eric said. “We’re here to finish what we started.” To which Russell replies “Give it your best shot.” I’m thinking some magic fingers are in order, Sook.
A close friend mentioned to me that I don’t seem to be enjoying this season of True Blood like I have the others. I seem to be complaining more instead of praising. I am having more WTF moments instead of the exciting HOLY SHIT did you see THAT?! moments I had in the past. So if I’m not happy with what I’ve seen so far, why do I continue to watch it, week after week?
My answer is simple.
True Blood has become my Brokeback Mountain.
Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Fuckin’ real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn’t want it, True Blood! So what we got now is TrueBrokeback Mountain! Everything’s built on that! Alcide’s 24 pack abs and ruined workboots. That’s all we got, boy, fuckin’ all. So I hope you know that, even if you don’t never know the rest! You count the damn few times I have been waiting for Alcide & Sookie to get it on in nearly two years and you measure the short fucking leash you keep me on – and then you ask me about why I’m complaining instead of praising and tell me you’ll kill me for needing somethin’ I don’t hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I’m not you… I can’t make it on a coupla shots of Alcide’s naked chest once or twice a season! You are too much for me True Blood, you sonofawhoreson bitch!
I wish I knew how to quit you.
Quotes:
“Alcide, you really know how to treat a lady.” ~Eric
“And if you don’t make it, it’s been rad serving you. Peace out.” ~Molly
“No, I want you to sit around on your ass and play Scrabble” ~Pam (get with the times, Pam, it’s Words With Friends now.)
“A 3,000-year old vampire wants to suck my blood. Must be Thursday!” ~Sookie