**Warning, this review contains strong language and sexual references. Please don’t read if those things offend you. Also, this contains spoilers so if you haven’t seen the episode, don’t read any further.**
Tons of social media records were broken during last Sunday night’s Season 5 premiere of True Blood. Over 242,000 tweets and Facebook comments were posted. My own personal viewing record has been broken this week as well. I’ve watched that episode 9 times now. Am I obsessed? Perhaps. But can you blame me?
I know I’m not the only woman that was impressed watching the big bad rips your liver out with one fang if you cross him Viking Vampire God Eric clean King Bill’s office at vampire speed. As a friend stated, that was like porn for us women. And don’t even get me started on Eric’s brotherly displays of love towards his “sister” Nora. I could go on for hours describing that.
I’m sure over half those tweets and comments were about petitioning the powers that be over at HBO to bring back Godric just so that they could voluntarily be turned. Admit it ladies, being Mr. Northman’s sister has its benefits.
But my review is going to focus on the other OMG moment from last season.
So what happened to Tara? Does she even have a pulse? Is this the end or the beginning of one of the most irritating and angry characters on the show?
I made a few predictions during the season 4 finale of True Blood and took some pleasure in watching several of them come to light.
Reverend Newlin declaring himself a gay vampire American to Jason Stackhouse. Terry’s Iraq war buddy blaming the run of bad luck he was having on the “something” that happened over there. Bill & Eric embarking on what I’m sure will be my favorite bromance since Buzz Lightyear and Woody teamed up in Toy Story.
My favorite prediction to come true was about Tara’s fate.
I knew there was no way she was going to survive having half her head blown off without some sort of vampire intervention. Which vampire would come to her rescue?
Both Bill & Eric were in the vicinity since they just been dumped by the telepathic waitress and most definitely would feel Sookie’s despair. Would one or both of them zip to Sookie’s rescue for the umpteenth time? Not if Eric had anything to say about it. And he most certainly did have something to say. I think I represent a lot of people when I say “Bravo, Eric.”
My bet was solely on Pam being the maker of this bound to be angry child. I know she spent most of Season 4 threatening Tara with every kind of vicious death under the sun, and vice versa, but I always felt all Tara needed was a few drops of Pam’s blood and these two could make for some wild lesbian freakiness if ever given the chance.
I cheered when Pam, albeit begrudgingly, agreed to turn Tara only after wrenching a promise from Sookie to “use her magic hands or her super snatch to fix whatever’s broken” between Pam & her maker, Eric.
As the episode came to an end, the writers of True Blood did what they do best. Left us with a cliff hanger that made us scream about how waiting sucks. Again.
But most of all it had several more predictions sprouting up in my ever crowded mind about Tara’s fate.
Did they turn Tara in time? What kind of condition would she be in? Would she be grateful or would she be angry for the intervention?
Well, from the looks of this particular cliff hanger, I’ll go with the typical Tara Thornton reaction to anything and everything. Pissed. As. Hell.
Tara has always been an angry and extremely cynical person. She is very confrontational and takes almost a perverse pleasure in pointing out everyone else’s racist behavior while dishing out her own form of judgment towards just about everyone and everything that crosses her path. But she is also ferociously protective of the people she loves. And God help the people that cause them harm. Namely, vampires.
Remember in Season 1 when Miss Jeanette told Tara “Next time you’re alone, stand in the mirror and count backwards from 10. If you can get all the way down to zero, then I’m wrong. But if you can’t stand your own company for 10 seconds, how you gonna expect to do it for the rest of your life?”
So how is Tara going to react to being turned into the one thing she hates the most? Herself. As a Vampire. For all eternity.
Will she realize that as a vampire, no one can hurt her anymore? Will she understand that no one can abuse her without living in fear of her throwing them in a cage and beating their ass? How about the fact that no one can rape her ever again without their private appendage becoming a hood ornament? Will she embrace this new found freedom or will she channel all that hatred and anger she carries around and direct it at the people who only wanted to give her a chance to live.
Instead of accepting who she is will she blame everyone else for what she is?
I’m hoping that Tara can come to grips with this new liberating power she has instead of turning it against everyone she loves. Personally I think she’s going to have an even harder time because one of my predictions last year is that she’s not going to be able to speak. You don’t come back from the sort of trauma she suffered and not have some sort of brain damage.
As we all know, Sookie is telepathic but she can’t hear what vampires are thinking because as Bill puts it, vampires don’t have brain waves. Fans of the books know that Sookie eventually does hear a few vampires.
How is the lack of brain waves going to play into Tara’s way of communicating with Sookie? We all know Tara has a way with words, so what’s she going to do if my prediction comes true and she’s suddenly rendered speechless?
If I were Sookie, I’d start investing in some silver and some protective gear because shit isn’t the only thing that’s going to hit the fan when Tara rises as a vampire. Trust me when I say Tara is going to find a way to communicate her feelings about being a vampire even if it means she destroys everything in her path.
• How long before Andy’s naked butt picture shows up on the internet?
• Martha Bozeman proving there really is a reason some mothers eat their young.
• Bill’s eye roll reaction to Eric & his sister, Nora’s unique show of sibling affection in the shipping container. “You might want to keep it down in there, New Orleans is only 60 miles away.” Hey Bill, remember when you had sex with your great great great great granddaughter? You might want to tone down the judgment a little.
• When are the people of Bon Temps going to realize that any and all sacrifices come with a price?
• Who took Jesus’ body? Did he just rise up on his own or did grandpa pay him a visit?
• Who jack-hammered Russell from his eternal resting spot? I have a prediction about who and why, but that’s another entry.
• I’m wearing a Wal-Mart sweat shut for y’all. If that’s not demonstration of team spirit I don’t know what is. ~Pam
• We fight like siblings, but we fuck like champions. ~Eric
• Fuck Sookie. ~Eric (again…. Bravo, Eric!)
• My dead heart beats for you. The least you can do is try. ~Steve Newlin
• What’s to say she won’t rise up from the ground tomorrow night completely and utterly fucktarded? ~Pam